.Hallelujah.

Well I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord.. But you don't really care for music, do ya?

The sweet, soft melody of the music filled the bedroom,and I closed my eyes for a couple of moments as I listened. This had always been one of my favourite songs, ever since I was a child. So..it was only fitting that I played it right now.. After all, it would be for the last time. At dinner that evening, I'd slipped the knife from the kitchen draw, no one had even seen me. What fools they were. But soon. Soon it wouldn't matter. Soon all this pain...This suffering. It would all end.
I'd locked my bedroom door, and was sat on the edge of my bed now, my elbows on my knee's, head hanging lazily in between them. The knife clutched in one hand. Silent... Listening..

Well it goes like this :
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

My lips moved, and I heard my voice, crooning along with the chorus of the song. I'd always been a good singer, but no one had ever given me the chance. They hated me listening to this song, and always told me to turn it off, or quit singing it. But right now, there was no one around to listen and complain. And it was better this way. At least, I thought so anyway. Tossing my head back, I pushed the hair from my face, my eyes still closed as I continued to listen to the words of the song.. How ironic they really were.

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor,
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah..


I lifted the knife as the chorus flowed through my ears once more, and slowly, oh so slowly, I dragged it along the inside length of one arm. I gasped, the pain was so sudden...And so refreshing. And the blood that welled from it was wondrous to watch. My eyes stayed, transfixed on the sight before me, when suddenly I heard the chime of a clock in the distance.. It was midnight.. It was Christmas.. A smirk crossed my lips as I raised the knife once more. Happy Christmas.. Happy God damn Christmas! My thoughts tumbled forwards as I took a deep intake of breath as that pain rippled through me once more..

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah..

As I listened to the last verse, my arms were dangling down over the side of the bed, and I was laying on my back.. I wondered, was there a God? Where the stories of Christmas really real? Was someone born, to die.. Only to be re-born? I would soon find out no doubt. For I could feel myself slipping away, I could hear the drip..drip... drip. off my blood as it rushed from my body, soaking the bedsheets, and the carpet below.. The music seemed distant now, like how it sounds when one puts one's head under water in the swimming pool, and can still hear people laughing, screaming and splashing around.
My vision dipped, and I closed my eyes, succumbing to the feelings washing over my body, the tingling as my very life force left me. And then a thought struck me, and I smiled. In my head was a picture of the headlines on Christmas Day. Holidays claim another life: Suicide common around Christmas. But this is nothing to do with this.. I just want freedom.. Freedom from it all.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah.
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...

It's the last thing I hear as I slip away into the great unknown. Who knows.. Maybe this time next Christmas, I'll be back. Maybe I won't.. But at least it will all be over, and I'll finally be able to sing Hallelujah.. Even if it's from Heaven..

...Hallelujah...